Misread

thanks for the song <3

Kings of Convenience – Misread

If you wanna be my friend
You want us to get along
Please do not expect me to
Wrap it up and keep it there
The observation I am doing could
Easily be understood
As cynical demeanour
But one of us misread…
And what do you know
It happened again

A friend is not a means
You utilize to get somewhere
Somehow I didn’t notice
friendship is an end
What do you know
It happened again

How come no-one told me
All throughout history
The loneliest people
Were the ones who always spoke the truth
The ones who made a difference
By withstanding the indifference
I guess it’s up to me now
Should I take that risk or just smile?

What do you know
It happened again
What do you know

 

=)

i’m so stressed right now due to school but I AM SO HAPPYYYYYYYYY

 

drenched in wine

feeling a bit euphoric. it’s different. i like different.

and this is a badass interpretation of eric clapton’s wonderful tonight. totally different feel.

 

fast forward

fall out boy – champagne for my real friends, real pain for my sham friends

weird how quickly things can change. i have to say…this month has been a crazy barrage of drama and surprisingly, i came to a rather instant realization on my behalf. honestly, i’m perfectly fine right now. in fact, life is not just handing me lemons…it’s throwing a crapload of lemons at me….i’m just not sure if i want to make lemonade just yet. just gotta keep moving forward and prepare for the new year. 2009 better be good or else i’m going to have to smack a ho. mu ha ha.

i’m so very grateful for my support system. i love you guys. forreal, not for fake. but seriously, i’m finally letting the balloon go. no regrets!

things i’m anticipating:

- thanksgiving! nom nom nom

- rachmaninoff piano concerto 11/29

- good company on the evening of 11/30

- howie! 11/31

- michelle and alvin’s visit

- personal enrichment day

- gingerbread house/gingerman making day

 

such great heights

looking at houston from the 45th floor is simply amazing. the black sky, the lights…it was great. the entire time that i was sitting there looking out of the window, i was thinking about the iron and wine cover of ’such great heights.’

things are looking up =)

 

just another productive weekend

i am currently working on a research paper and listening to some pretty great music. plans for this weekend include:

- a 10 hour work day tomorrow, followed by some more school work

- early meeting sunday morning…followed by work…followed by a study session with jiji law. we made lei a shirt last night, since his nickname is ‘the law’ and his last name is ji….it was only appropriate to iron on ‘JIJI LAW’ onto his shirt. we’re mature.

also, i’ve been working on my new years resolution list. i’m still adding but so far i have:

1. learn how to cook

2. travel to 3 places i’ve never been

3. gain 10 lbs.

4. buy less black clothing

5. beta fish training w/kimmie..followed by a beta fish tournament

6. purchase a drink for a stranger

7. compliment at least one person every week

8. be happy =)

still a work in progress

kudos to a certain someone for this song. ‘love remains the same’ by gavin rossdale

I never thought that I
Had anymore to give
You’re pushing me so far
Here I am without you
Drink to all that we have lost
Mistakes we have made
Everything will change
But love remains the same

 

back to the start

Tom Petty – Free Fallin’

i had the shittiest day yesterday. the evening before my exam, i was unable to study and fell asleep…only to be awakened by a horrible nightmare at 1:30am that left me unable to fall asleep again. i cried and cried, hoping to be so drained that i would just pass out…but it didn’t happen. i was in a TERRIBLE state while taking my 2nd major exam and FAILED. i was unable to comprehend any of the questions due to my heightened emotional condition. i have NEVER failed an exam. i cried my eyes out at school..and just left.

that’s when my day picked up. chau took me to sugar babies for some delicious cupcakes and coffee. aftewards, we went shopping at two different malls. had dinner with jeff at ruggles cafe and ended the night doing a paper (yay!). i’m still at chau and fahd’s place…and what really made me cry was this:

- i woke up to find a note from chau. it was so sweet. she even placed a blanket over me while i was asleep.

AND

- fahd taped a note onto the microwave for me that said, “JULIE, your breakfast awaits in here. Remove plastic wrap before heating…enjoy!” He made me bacon, sausage, and a sunny side up egg…with hot chocolate on the side. (he tricked me into eating healthy. turkey sausage and turkey bacon ftl. jk)

i’m not going to school today but i feel much better. i love my friends.

 

Irredeemable

i can take this. i’ve gone through it before, i can go through it again. i see how much effort and faith that i invest into people, only to be shot down. i cannot believe how much pain i’ve endured..the countless nights spent crying myself to sleep, the nightmares, my inability to study, the continuous aching pain in my heart. it’s not going to happen again. i refuse.

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless–it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable” – C.S. Lewis

next time, i won’t be so fucking wreckless with my heart

 

Ready for 2009

Pearl Jam – Better Man

Memories back when she was bold and strong
And waiting for the world to come along…
Swears she knew it, now she swears he’s gone

2008 has been very tumultuous. lots of internal conflict, new experiences, self-discovery, unmet goals…mixed with a lot of stress, work, and confusion. so tired! i’m ready for a new year. it seems promising. maybe…we’ll see.

i scoff at my previous entry for january 2008

 

…

why the f*** does this keep happening to me