Julienguyener’s Weblog

i’ve always loved this song. makes you wanna rock out.

deborah harry looks scary now

bon jovi – (you want to) make a memory

i’m taking a break from studying to pinpoint what has been bothering me today, last week, and these past several months.

there’s been a lot of self-discovery within the past couple of weeks. i’m reflecting on how i’ve been feeling, acting, saying..and i realize my faults. i thought i was perfectly fine from the time that i broke up with my last long term relationship until now. i must admit, regardless of how ive been carrying myself and how i perceive myself to be..it is not masking all of these unresolved issues leftover from that particular relationship.

i started to notice how my insecurities heightened significantly when a particular person left and how quick i was to assume. even though i know that these assumptions are untrue and would never be true in the silghtest, they continually lingered in the back of my mind and gradually resurfaced to the point that i started to believe that they would happen.  because of this, i overanalyzed every little detail and was frequently upset. also, the advice that was given to me by multiple individuals seemed to interefere and blur all of my thoughts. not to say that these people were to blame [not at all] but i was juggling with so many different perspectives, i didnt really know what to make of it.

i realize now, how out of control my insecurities are. it’s left me in an altered state in which i bottle up my emotions and prevent myself from having a good cry. these prolonged periods of not crying eventually turn into catastrophic events..where in any given day, anything will set me off and i break down. it’s unhealthy, i know.

i’ve also been having a lot of recurring plots in my dreams..which always end with me running away from something or someone. i’ve been having these dreams for the past several months. yikes!

it’s time for a change. a good change. i’m ready to face my fears and lead a new life – to let go of the past that has been preventing me from being truly happy. operation ‘change your ways or else you’ll perish’ is in progress.

in other news – the new ipod nano looks AWESOME. i want one so badly.

alright, back to studying